Start at the bottom
I can’t seem to weigh down those memories the most.
I get caught inside this whirlwind of feelings when I think about you.
Bad, good, bad, bad, great, good, terrible.
Schizophrenia engulfs me
I’ve been silent, I’ve been independent, I have learned I don’t need you
For once I have power and it is an amazing feeling.
I have control of my life, but not always my thoughts
Our best memories have always controlled my thoughts through the bad
You have always been so powerful that way.
They kept me wanting you, even while you kicked me, and tossed me around.
That was the worst part about you. That power controlled you.
You knew I still loved you yet you refused to treat me like someone you once loved.
Instead you pretend to feel the same way. Almost feeling bad for me.
When thinking back I probably looked so desperate. Like a beaten dog still following you around.
I often think something is wrong with me; I could be just as bad as you.
I enjoy watching your pain. I love hearing that you think of me everyday.
I feel like I’m finally in control of you.
But even so it still gets to me; the thought that you still care…
It’s because I still care.
I still want the best for you. I still wish you health and happiness.
But to tell you truthfully…
Although I still think of you
I don’t wish to be with you.
I don’t think this could be anymore passive-aggressive but I think it should be said and I know you’ll read this.